Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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