he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
