Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
