My nipple is on Facebook.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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