you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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