we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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