i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
