after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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