no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
