apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
