I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize