Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
