Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
