i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
