the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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