90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the day after is always just damage control
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
