we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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