I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
