My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
