sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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