If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
