How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I look better un-naked...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
