Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
