I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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