My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
