i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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