No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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