so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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