I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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