Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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