He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So much Jack, so little girl.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
