I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
