It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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