I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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