Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
