Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
