Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want her autograph on my taint
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
