Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize