Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
