he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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