I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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