Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
