I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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