New low: just hacked my moms facebook
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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