I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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