How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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