the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
