S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
