stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
