There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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