all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
