Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
