My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
