while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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