So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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