Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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