it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
