just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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