All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
