I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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