i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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