I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
