last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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