Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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