I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
