my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
