Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
