You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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