In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
