it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
