She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
