Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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