Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
