Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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