I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
