i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
