I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
