I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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