Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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