Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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