I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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