Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
