We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
