My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
