You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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