youre lurking in front of me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
