The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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