dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
