lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
