A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
