WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
