I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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