Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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