I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can you repeat that, but with context?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
