i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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